Sorry for the lapse in posts, I've been busy with a grouchy baby (apparently we took her off the reflux medication a little too soon) and I think some of it's rubbing off on me because I've been a real wench latley. I think I'm becoming more sensitive with age. I found this the other day and couldn't believe how well it nailed me. *note to self - make husband teach me how to hyperlink!* I am a "Melancholy-Sanguine" personality.
Mr. MelSan is usually a very gifted person, fully capable of being a musician who can steal the heart of an audience. As an artist, he not only draws or paints beautifully but can sell his own work- if he's in the right mood. It is not uncommon to encounter him in the field of education, for he makes a good scholar and probably the best of all classroom teachers, particularly on the high school and college level. The melancholy in him will ferret out little-known facts and be exacting in the use of events and detail, while the sanguine will enable him to communicate well with students.
Mr. MelSan shows an interesting combination of mood swings. Be sure of this: he is an emotional creature! When circumstances are pleasing to him, he can reflect a fantastically happy mood. But if things work out badly or he is rejected, insulted, or injured, he drops into such a mood that his lesser sanguine nature drowns in the resultant sea of self pity. He is easily moved to tears, feels everything deeply, but can be unreasonably critical and hard on others. He tends to be rigid and usually will not cooperate unless things go his way, which is often idealistic and impractical. He is often a fearful, insecure man with a poor self-image which limits him unnecessarily.
Monday, 4 February 2008
Tuesday, 29 January 2008
Longing for REM or Why my dog has soft lips
In the set up of our Master bedroom, somehow - BOTH of the dogs sleep on my "side" of the bed. Austin (big dog) sleeps in his own bed in the corner and Sugar Baby (backup dog) sleeps on a little paw shaped pillow right by my bed - literally I mean where I would put my feet in the morning. This was especially fun when I was getting up 3 times a night to nurse the baby who was....you guessed it...also in our room. But I digress...
My husband and my routine is to watch the news, make marital chitchat, and then I turn over to read whatever various book in which I am, at present, engrossed. (Which happens at the moment to be Freakonomics which is FANTASTIC) By this time the dogs are in deep sleep which means -
SNORING.
Snoring by an 85 pound, 8 year old Labrador. Imagine a fog horn with paper towel stuffed down the horn. It is SO LOUD there is no possible way I can focus on my book, let alone trying to enter REM sleep. I try whispering his name but that's useless and even I can't hear myself over his snoring. So the conundrum began - how do I wake him up and get him to shift positions without waking up my husband, freaking out Sugar Baby, or startling him so much he goes into a barking fit.
I spent about a week trying to figure this out. Adding to the nocturnal noises is the train that runs through Pendleton. It runs all day and all night and even though we're miles away and one CERTAIN husband assured me you "can't hear it from the house" when he was trying to coax me into marrying him....alas, I can still hear it. AND, it often plays little tunes on said horn since it assumes NO ONE would be up listening to the trains.
Unless, of course, they have the great snoring dog.
So, one night, not to long ago as I tossed and turned in bed listening to my dog saw logs - it came to me. What do we do to our husbands when THEY snore? We jab them in the ribs with our elbow until they slightly wake up and roll over, and then we roll over quick so they don't know we jabbed them.
Well, since I can't exactly nudge Austin - I had to come up with another option. Throwing things at him. Don't get all upset, not rocks or chocolate or books or anything - just little things that I would have on my nightstand at a give moment. This usually ends up being chapsticks and floss. (Floss on my nightstand being the topic for another post) So the other night, as I was finishing up my chapter, I heard the rumbling from the corner. I slipped down under my duvet, checked to make sure my husband was asleep (not exaaaaaaaaaaactly sure he'd appreciate my plan) and sneaked a chapstick off my nightstand. Then, I slowly - carefully - lobbed it at his head.
It worked! He startled, and then shifted and it was back to a nice quiet room. Ok ok, I didn't hit him in the head, I just hit his leg or something. But it worked! Joy! Too bad I couldn't throw chapstick at the train....
2 nights ago the snoring got out of control again. I hadn't restocked my arsenal, so I felt around on my nightstand to see what I had... the only thing I could find that wouldn't cause harm was a paper clip. Not the dinky ones, but like the black ones with two "legs" that fold down and snap over a larger group of papers. It wasn't sharp so I thought it would be just fine as my chosen projectile. I checked on my husband, and tossed the clip ever so lightly at the dog.
It didn't work! He didn't move! It was the only bullet in my gun. I felt around my nightstand - mints - no, a water bottle - no, reading lamp - no. ARG! Then I heard him move a little. SAVED! He stopped snoring! Thank goodness! I turned over and cuddled up to my husband, very proud of myself. But then I heard a rattle.
He had lain back down ON TOP OF THE PAPER CLIP! So with every breath he took he was making it rattle. And within a minute he was snoring again. FOG HORN....rattle rattle.....FOG HORN....rattle rattle. You can't make this stuff up folks!
I was sort of losing my temper and thinking about just throwing myself at the dog, but got ahold of myself. (Literally) Next thing I knew, I was waking up the next morning.
I haven't come up with a solution, but I've given up on the projectile theory. Austin was starting to have both softer lips and cleaner teeth than me.
My husband and my routine is to watch the news, make marital chitchat, and then I turn over to read whatever various book in which I am, at present, engrossed. (Which happens at the moment to be Freakonomics which is FANTASTIC) By this time the dogs are in deep sleep which means -
SNORING.
Snoring by an 85 pound, 8 year old Labrador. Imagine a fog horn with paper towel stuffed down the horn. It is SO LOUD there is no possible way I can focus on my book, let alone trying to enter REM sleep. I try whispering his name but that's useless and even I can't hear myself over his snoring. So the conundrum began - how do I wake him up and get him to shift positions without waking up my husband, freaking out Sugar Baby, or startling him so much he goes into a barking fit.
I spent about a week trying to figure this out. Adding to the nocturnal noises is the train that runs through Pendleton. It runs all day and all night and even though we're miles away and one CERTAIN husband assured me you "can't hear it from the house" when he was trying to coax me into marrying him....alas, I can still hear it. AND, it often plays little tunes on said horn since it assumes NO ONE would be up listening to the trains.
Unless, of course, they have the great snoring dog.
So, one night, not to long ago as I tossed and turned in bed listening to my dog saw logs - it came to me. What do we do to our husbands when THEY snore? We jab them in the ribs with our elbow until they slightly wake up and roll over, and then we roll over quick so they don't know we jabbed them.
Well, since I can't exactly nudge Austin - I had to come up with another option. Throwing things at him. Don't get all upset, not rocks or chocolate or books or anything - just little things that I would have on my nightstand at a give moment. This usually ends up being chapsticks and floss. (Floss on my nightstand being the topic for another post) So the other night, as I was finishing up my chapter, I heard the rumbling from the corner. I slipped down under my duvet, checked to make sure my husband was asleep (not exaaaaaaaaaaactly sure he'd appreciate my plan) and sneaked a chapstick off my nightstand. Then, I slowly - carefully - lobbed it at his head.
It worked! He startled, and then shifted and it was back to a nice quiet room. Ok ok, I didn't hit him in the head, I just hit his leg or something. But it worked! Joy! Too bad I couldn't throw chapstick at the train....
2 nights ago the snoring got out of control again. I hadn't restocked my arsenal, so I felt around on my nightstand to see what I had... the only thing I could find that wouldn't cause harm was a paper clip. Not the dinky ones, but like the black ones with two "legs" that fold down and snap over a larger group of papers. It wasn't sharp so I thought it would be just fine as my chosen projectile. I checked on my husband, and tossed the clip ever so lightly at the dog.
It didn't work! He didn't move! It was the only bullet in my gun. I felt around my nightstand - mints - no, a water bottle - no, reading lamp - no. ARG! Then I heard him move a little. SAVED! He stopped snoring! Thank goodness! I turned over and cuddled up to my husband, very proud of myself. But then I heard a rattle.
He had lain back down ON TOP OF THE PAPER CLIP! So with every breath he took he was making it rattle. And within a minute he was snoring again. FOG HORN....rattle rattle.....FOG HORN....rattle rattle. You can't make this stuff up folks!
I was sort of losing my temper and thinking about just throwing myself at the dog, but got ahold of myself. (Literally) Next thing I knew, I was waking up the next morning.
I haven't come up with a solution, but I've given up on the projectile theory. Austin was starting to have both softer lips and cleaner teeth than me.
Wednesday, 23 January 2008
"It's sorta like playing Monopoly"
These were my words to Steve last night as I was "helping" him with our taxes. We had a little snack on the couch and then he said he was going to go start getting our tax stuff together to send to the accountant. I had a terrible headache, so he told me to go relax upstairs. BUT - I decided to poke my nose into his office to see what preparing for taxes entails as the only time I've ever filed by myself I did so over the phone and they involved the letters "E-Z." But wouldn't you know I got drafted into helping!
Segue - Steve has taken multiple days off work to stay home with Madeline. This has allowed him to get the true "stay at home parent" experience. Although I have worked my entire life and have a good idea what getting up and putting a full day in at the office entails, I don't give my husband the credit he deserves a lot of the time. He's up at 6am to let the dogs out, feed them, pack his lunch, and leave for work in the cold cold car. He puts in a full day at Ball State and then drives 45 minutes home to be greet ed usually by a frazzled wife and whiny baby - plus 2 dogs who want to play. He immediately takes over and plays with Madeline while I finish up dinner, gets her ready for dinner, feeds her dinner, plays with her while I clean up, gives her a bath, and puts her to bed. After that he pays bills, mows grass, empties trash or a myriad of other "Honey-Dos". Usually without a thank you from me.
Steve assigned me the job last night of going through the checkbook, credit card, and medical receipts to figure out how much money was spent on medical bills in 2007. It was an arduous job to be sure. It involved sorting, and computing, and listing, and calculating, and eye straining. Then it involved coming to terms with the amount of money we had to spend on medical bills last year. I thought my eyes were going to bug out of my head. Yes, I couldn't help thinking about all the shoes I could have purchased - or nice sports car for that matter, but I was amazed that my husband had been able to finagle our savings to pay it all off without medical debt.
Sometimes you got to get in someone elses skin and walk around in it to really understand what their life is like. I have no idea (literally, none- I am not exaggerating) about how to balance a checkbook, put money into IRAs and 529s, invest in mutual funds and the like. If he dies before me I will, literally, be lost. I don't think I've ever once thanked him for being so wise with our finances, for working so hard so that I can stay at home with our daughter, taking out the trash and alllllllll the other yucky jobs he does that he doesn't like either - that he does because they need to be done. Sitting there, on the floor of his office, I was doing something that he normally did. If I hadn't done it, I would have no appreciation for the job. I would have been like "Ohhhh sorting receipts - BIG DEAL." It makes me wonder how many other things he does that I take for granted. Picking up toys at night isn't a personal high of my day, but it beats paying bills and doing all that complicated stuff. It was up to me I'm pretty sure we'd be in financial ruin because I'd keep forgetting to write checks, let alone trying to keep track of bills.
So, after I finished my job, I took out "the packet" - the big thing we have to fill out for the accountant. So I sat there and read the questions aloud while he worked on a website.
"Did you operate or otherwise take part in a S Corporation purchase or franchisement?"
No
"Did you or any of your dependants pay a luxury tax of 5,000 dollars or greater?"
No
"Did you purchase or sell any real estate this year?"
No
Ok, so I'm making some of those questions up, but it sounded like the Monopoly game from Hell. Apparently there is a tremendous amount of work in getting ready for someone else to do your taxes. Who knew?
Thank you, dear husband, for taking care of me. For not complaining that you paid for a baby instead of a new car. For sparing me from doing things, not because I'm not capable, but because I just wouldn't like doing them. Thank you for always walking into the house with smile on your face, and open arms for your daughter. Thank you for all the times I should have said it and didn't. I love you.
But please don't ever ask for help with taxes again.
Segue - Steve has taken multiple days off work to stay home with Madeline. This has allowed him to get the true "stay at home parent" experience. Although I have worked my entire life and have a good idea what getting up and putting a full day in at the office entails, I don't give my husband the credit he deserves a lot of the time. He's up at 6am to let the dogs out, feed them, pack his lunch, and leave for work in the cold cold car. He puts in a full day at Ball State and then drives 45 minutes home to be greet ed usually by a frazzled wife and whiny baby - plus 2 dogs who want to play. He immediately takes over and plays with Madeline while I finish up dinner, gets her ready for dinner, feeds her dinner, plays with her while I clean up, gives her a bath, and puts her to bed. After that he pays bills, mows grass, empties trash or a myriad of other "Honey-Dos". Usually without a thank you from me.
Steve assigned me the job last night of going through the checkbook, credit card, and medical receipts to figure out how much money was spent on medical bills in 2007. It was an arduous job to be sure. It involved sorting, and computing, and listing, and calculating, and eye straining. Then it involved coming to terms with the amount of money we had to spend on medical bills last year. I thought my eyes were going to bug out of my head. Yes, I couldn't help thinking about all the shoes I could have purchased - or nice sports car for that matter, but I was amazed that my husband had been able to finagle our savings to pay it all off without medical debt.
Sometimes you got to get in someone elses skin and walk around in it to really understand what their life is like. I have no idea (literally, none- I am not exaggerating) about how to balance a checkbook, put money into IRAs and 529s, invest in mutual funds and the like. If he dies before me I will, literally, be lost. I don't think I've ever once thanked him for being so wise with our finances, for working so hard so that I can stay at home with our daughter, taking out the trash and alllllllll the other yucky jobs he does that he doesn't like either - that he does because they need to be done. Sitting there, on the floor of his office, I was doing something that he normally did. If I hadn't done it, I would have no appreciation for the job. I would have been like "Ohhhh sorting receipts - BIG DEAL." It makes me wonder how many other things he does that I take for granted. Picking up toys at night isn't a personal high of my day, but it beats paying bills and doing all that complicated stuff. It was up to me I'm pretty sure we'd be in financial ruin because I'd keep forgetting to write checks, let alone trying to keep track of bills.
So, after I finished my job, I took out "the packet" - the big thing we have to fill out for the accountant. So I sat there and read the questions aloud while he worked on a website.
"Did you operate or otherwise take part in a S Corporation purchase or franchisement?"
No
"Did you or any of your dependants pay a luxury tax of 5,000 dollars or greater?"
No
"Did you purchase or sell any real estate this year?"
No
Ok, so I'm making some of those questions up, but it sounded like the Monopoly game from Hell. Apparently there is a tremendous amount of work in getting ready for someone else to do your taxes. Who knew?
Thank you, dear husband, for taking care of me. For not complaining that you paid for a baby instead of a new car. For sparing me from doing things, not because I'm not capable, but because I just wouldn't like doing them. Thank you for always walking into the house with smile on your face, and open arms for your daughter. Thank you for all the times I should have said it and didn't. I love you.
But please don't ever ask for help with taxes again.
Thursday, 17 January 2008
I can solve the crime problem!
So - after hearing the latest killing here in Indy of 2 mothers and their babies I have figured out a way to stop all killing of innocent children.
1. Let me and my mom friends have about.....10 minutes alone with the people hurting them.
2. Show it on TV
3. No one will every hurt a child again.
I'm not one to normally feel like I should take the law into my own hands but I tell you latley.....it makes me sick to my stomach
1. Let me and my mom friends have about.....10 minutes alone with the people hurting them.
2. Show it on TV
3. No one will every hurt a child again.
I'm not one to normally feel like I should take the law into my own hands but I tell you latley.....it makes me sick to my stomach
Monday, 7 January 2008
Pics from the trip!
Like I already said - we had a GREAT time in Canada and obviously the Canadians had missed Steve!!
This was the view from our room on the 28th floor. Steve has this tradition of taking pictures of me at the window on vacation. I don't know why, but I always seem to gravitate to the view. We had a spectacular view in Toronto - we overlooked the skating rink that was outdoors and the cool apartments that you can see in this pic!
This was the television interview with Coach Hoke the night before the game. We were invited to go, and as it got boring I kept thinking of questions to ask like they do in the Coors Light commercials at the fake press conference. Don't worry, I refrained.
The view of the end zone from Windows Restaurant
Hangin' out at the Pre-game luncheon.
Hardcore.
Charlie Cardinal Reminding us what number we were!
This was the view from our room on the 28th floor. Steve has this tradition of taking pictures of me at the window on vacation. I don't know why, but I always seem to gravitate to the view. We had a spectacular view in Toronto - we overlooked the skating rink that was outdoors and the cool apartments that you can see in this pic!
This was the television interview with Coach Hoke the night before the game. We were invited to go, and as it got boring I kept thinking of questions to ask like they do in the Coors Light commercials at the fake press conference. Don't worry, I refrained.
The view of the end zone from Windows Restaurant
Hangin' out at the Pre-game luncheon.
Hardcore.
Charlie Cardinal Reminding us what number we were!The Country Mouse
Steve and I had a GREAT time in Canada. (I'll post more pictures later that I actually took with our camera.) We had a couple of AWESOME meals, found some funky shops, went ice skating, and enjoyed fantastic seats to the Bowl Game.I have to admit that I am totally in love with Toronto. Steve and I walked about 3 miles through the art and fashion district and every other store was a womens clothing store or a shoe store! We didn't have time to stop in all of them, but we did get to sample a real taste of that part of the city. Sort of Broad Ripple with SOHO prices (thus why we didn't buy much).
There are few places I like enough to wear I actually fell like I could move there and be happy, but Toronto was one of those places. There was so much to do, the arts had a HUGE presence there, and it's a huge, fast moving city. I saw lots of people out with babies in the parks and in the shops. So the kids wouldn't have a yard to play in.... grass is overrated right? I know my husband would NEVER live in the downtown of any city, but I could totally do it. Being in Toronto made me miss the city terribly. I wish there was a way to be a city and country mouse.
Sunday, 6 January 2008
Hmm
It seems when I write a more serious, introspecitve post - I get fewer replies. I would like to think it's my affective writing, but I'm not that disillusioned. The lack of replies to my last post makes me wonder if I am one of just a few women who still feel this way. Of course, because of my OCD it also makes me think that maybe it's just that no one likes me.
Man! It sure stinks to be a female sometimes!
(BTW - Thanks Reesh!)
Man! It sure stinks to be a female sometimes!
(BTW - Thanks Reesh!)
Wednesday, 2 January 2008
Girls Girls Girls
I love my little girl. I heard one of my mommy friends say once, "I was just meant to be a mom of girls." I think that sums up how I feel too. IF IF IF we have another one (don't hold your collective breath Mom, Ellie, and Jessica) I would want another girl. Of course I would love a boy yada yada - but I feel like I'd have to "relearn" stuff.
However, there is one thing I really like about boys. They aren't nearly as cruel as girls. I watched a documentary the other day about a clique of girls in the 5th and 6th grades. It was so horrible it brought tears to my eyes. The worst part? I totally identified. I didn't have a whole lot of friends in upper elementary school. I went to a small private school so there was a core group of us that had literally grown up together. We were so sick of each other by the time Junior High rolled around. Everyone knew each other's business. There were a few girls who made life especially hard for me. She would come up to me and tell me my outfits were ugly or something about the way I looked. I remember how badly it hurt my feelings and crying at home for weeks. By the time I reached High School I had become close with all of the popular kids. I went to a party just about every Friday night (and before you get any ideas of me remember that these were private school parties so the craziest thing we ever did was turn on a strobe light or hold hands.) But, regardless of the cheesiness - you HAD to be invited to these parties. If you weren't you weren't cool.
Remember lunch drama? How all the cool kids sat at one table? I remember sitting there and almost swallowing my tongue I was so bored. I finally realized it was ridiculous and just sat with whomever I wanted - regardless of Cheerleader status or "IT" factor. It was one of the first times my life wasn't filled with friend drama. The boys never had this. They were pretty much all friends. If they had an issue with each other - they punched each other once or twice in the locker room and it was over. With us? It was a 3 act Shakespeare that lasted far longer than Hamlets 4 hours traffic of our stage.
I made it - relatively unscathed. I have a few really really close friends whom I would call "best" and a couple of circles of really good close friends whom I love and adore. But, there's still that seed deeeeeeeeeeep down inside of me that needs to be accepted. I "need" to know that my friends like me - that they want me around. Sometimes I find myself annoying - I have to think I annoy the people around me at times as well. It's funny how quickly those insecurities come back isn't it? I am 27 years old - and when I went to the baby group at the hospital all I did was compare myself to the women around me. "She's cuter, she's funnier, she's so put together, she's supermom, she's so thin, she does what I do - but with two!" This while I'm barely healed from a C-section and nursing around the clock, is what I spent my time thinking about. Now that all of our kids are older there's even more things to compare. And that brings me to the crux of my post (surprise surprise it took me 500 words to get to the point!) - I'm not worried that Madeline won't be able to handle girl drama - I don't think I will be able to handle girl drama. The first time someone tells Madeline that her shoes are ugly or that she doesn't want to be her friend, I don't know how I'm going to avoid walking into her classroom and breaking her legs. Hurt me all ya want - bring it on - but you even go near my baby and her delicate psyche - I will mame you. How am I going to keep myself under control?
I don't want my daughter to have these lingering feelings that I have - wondering if people like me, wondering what people see in me...... but I don't have the foggiest idea of how to change the course of her life differently than mine. Sure I could homeschool her her whole life, but then you've created a whole 'nother problem. I want her to develop thick skin, but still be sensitive to others who are hurting.
There just aren't any books on that.
However, there is one thing I really like about boys. They aren't nearly as cruel as girls. I watched a documentary the other day about a clique of girls in the 5th and 6th grades. It was so horrible it brought tears to my eyes. The worst part? I totally identified. I didn't have a whole lot of friends in upper elementary school. I went to a small private school so there was a core group of us that had literally grown up together. We were so sick of each other by the time Junior High rolled around. Everyone knew each other's business. There were a few girls who made life especially hard for me. She would come up to me and tell me my outfits were ugly or something about the way I looked. I remember how badly it hurt my feelings and crying at home for weeks. By the time I reached High School I had become close with all of the popular kids. I went to a party just about every Friday night (and before you get any ideas of me remember that these were private school parties so the craziest thing we ever did was turn on a strobe light or hold hands.) But, regardless of the cheesiness - you HAD to be invited to these parties. If you weren't you weren't cool.
Remember lunch drama? How all the cool kids sat at one table? I remember sitting there and almost swallowing my tongue I was so bored. I finally realized it was ridiculous and just sat with whomever I wanted - regardless of Cheerleader status or "IT" factor. It was one of the first times my life wasn't filled with friend drama. The boys never had this. They were pretty much all friends. If they had an issue with each other - they punched each other once or twice in the locker room and it was over. With us? It was a 3 act Shakespeare that lasted far longer than Hamlets 4 hours traffic of our stage.
I made it - relatively unscathed. I have a few really really close friends whom I would call "best" and a couple of circles of really good close friends whom I love and adore. But, there's still that seed deeeeeeeeeeep down inside of me that needs to be accepted. I "need" to know that my friends like me - that they want me around. Sometimes I find myself annoying - I have to think I annoy the people around me at times as well. It's funny how quickly those insecurities come back isn't it? I am 27 years old - and when I went to the baby group at the hospital all I did was compare myself to the women around me. "She's cuter, she's funnier, she's so put together, she's supermom, she's so thin, she does what I do - but with two!" This while I'm barely healed from a C-section and nursing around the clock, is what I spent my time thinking about. Now that all of our kids are older there's even more things to compare. And that brings me to the crux of my post (surprise surprise it took me 500 words to get to the point!) - I'm not worried that Madeline won't be able to handle girl drama - I don't think I will be able to handle girl drama. The first time someone tells Madeline that her shoes are ugly or that she doesn't want to be her friend, I don't know how I'm going to avoid walking into her classroom and breaking her legs. Hurt me all ya want - bring it on - but you even go near my baby and her delicate psyche - I will mame you. How am I going to keep myself under control?
I don't want my daughter to have these lingering feelings that I have - wondering if people like me, wondering what people see in me...... but I don't have the foggiest idea of how to change the course of her life differently than mine. Sure I could homeschool her her whole life, but then you've created a whole 'nother problem. I want her to develop thick skin, but still be sensitive to others who are hurting.
There just aren't any books on that.
Thursday, 27 December 2007
And so this is Christmas
Had a fanTABulous Christmas this year. I can't believe how quickly this year has gone by. Last year at Christmas Madeline was just a lump. Now - she's a full on toddler! (Who still can't toddle)
I awoke Christmas morning at 4:30 and ran down to see if my stocking was full. Ok, I jest - I did wake up at 4:30 but that was to prepare the brunch and "fixins" for Christmas with my in-laws. We had TONS of food and there was a little something for everyone so that made me feel good. Madeline has been going through something of late that has just made her whiny and miserable. I kept attributing it to her 4th molar and I juuuuust think I might have been right. It seemed to really come to a peak Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday and today she was like my old baby. She's been "off" for about a month. Not sleeping well, being incredibly clingy and needy etc... it's been incredibly hard on Steve and I. But today she was just her old self again. Happy as all get out in the grocery store - we had TONS of fun playing with her new toys. (I am, by some feat of science, able to squeeze myself through her tunnel/tent. This gives her incredible delight.) She even came up to me and said "na na" and grabbed her bear. I said "ok, night night time" took her upstairs and put her in her crib for a nap and she didn't peep. (I know this was a huge fluke, but still it was nice!) Anywho, all that to say that Christmases were a liiiiittle stressed with her not being at 100%. I have to give my husband mad props for being amazing handling her. She's been "Daddy only" for about the past 2 months so it's really up to him to calm her down and he has just got amazing amounts of patience and love for that little girl.
Madeline got obscene amounts of clothes for Christmas which was JUST what we asked for! She got some toys and lots of books and money toward her 529 college fund. (YEAH!) She got Chamois sheets that are so soft I thought about taking a nap in her crib to try them out myself.
Meanwhile, I got some fun gifts too. I got lots of socks (something I begged for because I am terrible at losing socks!) I got some DVDs (Pride and Prejudice, Crash, and JFK) and some books! (Thanks honey!!) I also got a hand vac, a set of international clocks, lots of gift cards (yay Starbucks!) and a reeally reeeeeally cool portable burner set!
Steve, in true Magi fashion, got an ipod touch. I am SO GLAD he likes it!!! :)
As I sit here, I can't help but think about what next Christmas will be like. She'll be a "terrible" 2 and I'm sure we won't have to coax her into opening presents next year!
Meanwhile, I'm gearing up for the New Year and Auld Lang Syne. ( A song which always makes me terribly sad for some reason)
I awoke Christmas morning at 4:30 and ran down to see if my stocking was full. Ok, I jest - I did wake up at 4:30 but that was to prepare the brunch and "fixins" for Christmas with my in-laws. We had TONS of food and there was a little something for everyone so that made me feel good. Madeline has been going through something of late that has just made her whiny and miserable. I kept attributing it to her 4th molar and I juuuuust think I might have been right. It seemed to really come to a peak Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday and today she was like my old baby. She's been "off" for about a month. Not sleeping well, being incredibly clingy and needy etc... it's been incredibly hard on Steve and I. But today she was just her old self again. Happy as all get out in the grocery store - we had TONS of fun playing with her new toys. (I am, by some feat of science, able to squeeze myself through her tunnel/tent. This gives her incredible delight.) She even came up to me and said "na na" and grabbed her bear. I said "ok, night night time" took her upstairs and put her in her crib for a nap and she didn't peep. (I know this was a huge fluke, but still it was nice!) Anywho, all that to say that Christmases were a liiiiittle stressed with her not being at 100%. I have to give my husband mad props for being amazing handling her. She's been "Daddy only" for about the past 2 months so it's really up to him to calm her down and he has just got amazing amounts of patience and love for that little girl.
Madeline got obscene amounts of clothes for Christmas which was JUST what we asked for! She got some toys and lots of books and money toward her 529 college fund. (YEAH!) She got Chamois sheets that are so soft I thought about taking a nap in her crib to try them out myself.
Meanwhile, I got some fun gifts too. I got lots of socks (something I begged for because I am terrible at losing socks!) I got some DVDs (Pride and Prejudice, Crash, and JFK) and some books! (Thanks honey!!) I also got a hand vac, a set of international clocks, lots of gift cards (yay Starbucks!) and a reeally reeeeeally cool portable burner set!
Steve, in true Magi fashion, got an ipod touch. I am SO GLAD he likes it!!! :)
As I sit here, I can't help but think about what next Christmas will be like. She'll be a "terrible" 2 and I'm sure we won't have to coax her into opening presents next year!
Meanwhile, I'm gearing up for the New Year and Auld Lang Syne. ( A song which always makes me terribly sad for some reason)
Monday, 17 December 2007
Are there no prisons? Are there no Workhouses?
I don't remember who it was, but someone enlightened said, "Real charity doesn't care if it's tax deductable or not."
I love that.
As some of you know, my previous job was working for the Better Business Bureau and working with the Attorney General's office to oversee non-profits in Indiana. Very few people know that pretty much anyone can start a charity, keep 99.9 percent of the money - and NOT be doing anything illegal. So with that said, there are lots of sketchy charities out there. Be especially aware of people who call you at home asking for money. Steve HATES it when these charities call us because he knows I'm going to torture them. Here is basically how it works:
Charity A hires Company B to do a "Fundraising Campaign" for them. Charity A doesn't have much money in their bank account so the agree that the Company can just keep some of the proceeds. Problem is - it usually ends up being an 80/20 split - and NOT in the Charity's favor. But, the charity hasn't "lost" anything - because they didn't fork over any money to begin with. Sketchy huh? So - here are some questions to ask any "Charity" who calls you.
1. Is this Charity a 501(c) 3?
This is the denotation that will tell you if your donation is tax deductible. Some charities (albeit few) aren't 501(c)3s, therefore you can't write it off your taxes if that's the kind of thing that's important to you.
2. Where are you calling me from?
Here's a hint - Lots of Police and Fire charities that call - they aren't even calling from our state!! Sometimes when I ask this I get, "From the south side." When I ask if that would be the southside of Indianapolis - I get a long pause. They're calling from South Carolina. Yeahhhhhh. I'm not making this up!
3. Are you yourself employed by the charity?
This is a hairy one, because the will try to say "Yes" any way they can. Well, they are employed by the company who was hired by the charity so they'll try to tell you yes. Ask them if they are employed DIRECTLY by the charity and their answer many differ.
4. How much of my donation will go toward program expenses?
Here is a nasty little secret of Fundraisers. Like our division before - 20% (which honestly is high for the campaigns I've seen - it's much more like 10% and under) is going to the Charity. That DOESN'T mean it's going toward saving the Children or whatever. That means that is going back to the charity which may mean it's all going in some hack CEO's pocket. If they can't tell you how much is going to PROGRAMS - don't give 'em anything!!
5. Finally, ask them to take you off of their list. Now, they will probably go ahead and do this anyway after talking to you because they aren't used to people being educated. They can call you even if you are on the Do Not Call list because non-profits are exempt. However, good charities don't want to bother you if you don't want to be bothered.
Some General Tips
1. Most Bonafide Charities won't call you on the phone for money. The exception being your alma mater and a charity to whom you may have donated before. (Unless your initial contact with them was over the phone) Also - PBS may call you. Most charities have fundraising events or send out mailings.
2. Be Empowered! Don't be afraid to ask questions. You will be SHOCKED at how little the person to whom you are speaking actually knows about the charity for which they are soliciting money.
3. Look for 65 percent, or 65 cents on the dollar to go to the program. This is the suggested number. That means 65 cents of every one of your dollars isn't going to the light bill, the mailings, desks, or CEO's salary (all bonafide things of course - but not in excess). It's called "Program Expenses" on an annual report.
4. Look for Charities that match your beliefs or passions. Don't give to every (any actually) Yahoo who calls you on the phone. Take the time to do research about charities in which you ma be interested.
5. Don't get too caught up in Natural Disasters. YES - Katrina victims need money, but so do families in Darfur. Don't "cut off" a charity to which you have been consistently giving because of a sudden occurrence. Split your donations, or find out if there's anything else you can do to help either charity.
*Also - know that you can "restrict" your donations. If you donated money to X Charity and want it used for a certain thing - you can enable that by making it clear by letter or on your check was specific event or campaign you want it to be donated to.
There are a few sites that you can check out to look at a Charity's records. They will break down for you, sometimes, in a nice graph - how much money is going to what. My favourite? www.charitynavigator.org
Finally - here are some charities that I feel are a "safe bet." They have diverse missions and I have personally checked into each one and met with each CEO. I feel comfortable giving my hard earned money (ok my husband's) to. *Disclaimer* This list is in NO way exhaustive. These are simply ones I have interacted with, reviewed tax records of, and found to be exceptional. I am positive there are others out there.
1. Widow's Jar Ministries.
OK - so on this one I am partial because my mom runs this charity. She founded it because she felt that many missionaries, though supported through local churches, don't get everything they need. She has been able to send car parts, medical supplies, and even a special mastectomy bra to one missionary's wife. (Who was so overjoyed she cried for days) My parents are in their late 60s and are both retired. Instead of taking their Winnebago around the country they are working furiously for others in need. I can attest first hand to the passion and love the drives this organization.
www.widowsjar.org
2. The Starfish Initiative
This organization allows children who perform high but are in low performing schools to attend, tuition free, a local accredited private school. It also sets them up with a Mentor who helps them adjust to all the changes a new school will bring. I am especially impressed with their CEO who has a passion for these kids that I have seen in few.
www.starfishinitiative.org
3. The greater Indianapolis Humane Society
I know the CEO of this organization very well too. When she first gave me a tour of the facility I was impressed. She told me about a fostering program they introduced that placed sick or need cats and dogs with a family for a while until they got adopted. This way it frees up a little space and lets the animals get some much needed one on one interaction. I was won over when she told me how many animals she herself was fostering.
www.indyhumane.org
4. The Damien Center
This organization was the very first organization I got to know and tour. The CEO I knew is now gone, but the organization still maintains fundraising integrity and passion of mission that is amazing. They provide free HIV tests to anyone who needs them. They also offer counseling and job finding, and just about any other service that may be difficult for a person with HIV.
www.damien.org
5. Easter Seals Crossroads
Another CEO who is passionate about his mission. Crossroads provides just about everything for anyone with disabilities. From HUGE computer screens, to physical rehabilitation, to a "day care" for disabled adults - this charity has it covered. Economically they do a LOT on a little.
www.crossroads.easterseals.org
I will refrain from listing the names of charities that I found to be SHAAAADY - because it's Christmas and, I don't want to get sued or something.
*Most importantly, remember that charities also want your time. Can't give money? Call and ask if you could volunteer. You'll be shocked at who is touched more*
I love that.
As some of you know, my previous job was working for the Better Business Bureau and working with the Attorney General's office to oversee non-profits in Indiana. Very few people know that pretty much anyone can start a charity, keep 99.9 percent of the money - and NOT be doing anything illegal. So with that said, there are lots of sketchy charities out there. Be especially aware of people who call you at home asking for money. Steve HATES it when these charities call us because he knows I'm going to torture them. Here is basically how it works:
Charity A hires Company B to do a "Fundraising Campaign" for them. Charity A doesn't have much money in their bank account so the agree that the Company can just keep some of the proceeds. Problem is - it usually ends up being an 80/20 split - and NOT in the Charity's favor. But, the charity hasn't "lost" anything - because they didn't fork over any money to begin with. Sketchy huh? So - here are some questions to ask any "Charity" who calls you.
1. Is this Charity a 501(c) 3?
This is the denotation that will tell you if your donation is tax deductible. Some charities (albeit few) aren't 501(c)3s, therefore you can't write it off your taxes if that's the kind of thing that's important to you.
2. Where are you calling me from?
Here's a hint - Lots of Police and Fire charities that call - they aren't even calling from our state!! Sometimes when I ask this I get, "From the south side." When I ask if that would be the southside of Indianapolis - I get a long pause. They're calling from South Carolina. Yeahhhhhh. I'm not making this up!
3. Are you yourself employed by the charity?
This is a hairy one, because the will try to say "Yes" any way they can. Well, they are employed by the company who was hired by the charity so they'll try to tell you yes. Ask them if they are employed DIRECTLY by the charity and their answer many differ.
4. How much of my donation will go toward program expenses?
Here is a nasty little secret of Fundraisers. Like our division before - 20% (which honestly is high for the campaigns I've seen - it's much more like 10% and under) is going to the Charity. That DOESN'T mean it's going toward saving the Children or whatever. That means that is going back to the charity which may mean it's all going in some hack CEO's pocket. If they can't tell you how much is going to PROGRAMS - don't give 'em anything!!
5. Finally, ask them to take you off of their list. Now, they will probably go ahead and do this anyway after talking to you because they aren't used to people being educated. They can call you even if you are on the Do Not Call list because non-profits are exempt. However, good charities don't want to bother you if you don't want to be bothered.
Some General Tips
1. Most Bonafide Charities won't call you on the phone for money. The exception being your alma mater and a charity to whom you may have donated before. (Unless your initial contact with them was over the phone) Also - PBS may call you. Most charities have fundraising events or send out mailings.
2. Be Empowered! Don't be afraid to ask questions. You will be SHOCKED at how little the person to whom you are speaking actually knows about the charity for which they are soliciting money.
3. Look for 65 percent, or 65 cents on the dollar to go to the program. This is the suggested number. That means 65 cents of every one of your dollars isn't going to the light bill, the mailings, desks, or CEO's salary (all bonafide things of course - but not in excess). It's called "Program Expenses" on an annual report.
4. Look for Charities that match your beliefs or passions. Don't give to every (any actually) Yahoo who calls you on the phone. Take the time to do research about charities in which you ma be interested.
5. Don't get too caught up in Natural Disasters. YES - Katrina victims need money, but so do families in Darfur. Don't "cut off" a charity to which you have been consistently giving because of a sudden occurrence. Split your donations, or find out if there's anything else you can do to help either charity.
*Also - know that you can "restrict" your donations. If you donated money to X Charity and want it used for a certain thing - you can enable that by making it clear by letter or on your check was specific event or campaign you want it to be donated to.
There are a few sites that you can check out to look at a Charity's records. They will break down for you, sometimes, in a nice graph - how much money is going to what. My favourite? www.charitynavigator.org
Finally - here are some charities that I feel are a "safe bet." They have diverse missions and I have personally checked into each one and met with each CEO. I feel comfortable giving my hard earned money (ok my husband's) to. *Disclaimer* This list is in NO way exhaustive. These are simply ones I have interacted with, reviewed tax records of, and found to be exceptional. I am positive there are others out there.
1. Widow's Jar Ministries.
OK - so on this one I am partial because my mom runs this charity. She founded it because she felt that many missionaries, though supported through local churches, don't get everything they need. She has been able to send car parts, medical supplies, and even a special mastectomy bra to one missionary's wife. (Who was so overjoyed she cried for days) My parents are in their late 60s and are both retired. Instead of taking their Winnebago around the country they are working furiously for others in need. I can attest first hand to the passion and love the drives this organization.
www.widowsjar.org
2. The Starfish Initiative
This organization allows children who perform high but are in low performing schools to attend, tuition free, a local accredited private school. It also sets them up with a Mentor who helps them adjust to all the changes a new school will bring. I am especially impressed with their CEO who has a passion for these kids that I have seen in few.
www.starfishinitiative.org
3. The greater Indianapolis Humane Society
I know the CEO of this organization very well too. When she first gave me a tour of the facility I was impressed. She told me about a fostering program they introduced that placed sick or need cats and dogs with a family for a while until they got adopted. This way it frees up a little space and lets the animals get some much needed one on one interaction. I was won over when she told me how many animals she herself was fostering.
www.indyhumane.org
4. The Damien Center
This organization was the very first organization I got to know and tour. The CEO I knew is now gone, but the organization still maintains fundraising integrity and passion of mission that is amazing. They provide free HIV tests to anyone who needs them. They also offer counseling and job finding, and just about any other service that may be difficult for a person with HIV.
www.damien.org
5. Easter Seals Crossroads
Another CEO who is passionate about his mission. Crossroads provides just about everything for anyone with disabilities. From HUGE computer screens, to physical rehabilitation, to a "day care" for disabled adults - this charity has it covered. Economically they do a LOT on a little.
www.crossroads.easterseals.org
I will refrain from listing the names of charities that I found to be SHAAAADY - because it's Christmas and, I don't want to get sued or something.
*Most importantly, remember that charities also want your time. Can't give money? Call and ask if you could volunteer. You'll be shocked at who is touched more*
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