Fear and Loathing in Indianpolis

It all started because I forgot my camera.





My dear sweet friend Jill agreed to meet Madeline and me at the Indianapolis Zoo yesterday. Steve and I have been seeking out some fun, new activities to do with Madeline before the baby comes. They currently have their butterfly garden open, and Madeline is just mad for butterflies. So after getting ourselves and the three kids ready, we headed to the butterfly garden. The kids all loved it and Jill was sweet enough to snap a few pictures of Madeline since I had committed the cardinal sin of motherhood and forgotten mine.





We visited the fish and the bears, the seals and the penguins. The kids did great despite the waves of heat and the tremendous amount of kids on field trips. Madeline got a little scared on the playground with all of the (way too old) kids playing on the equipment and required a rescue, but other than that - the day couldn't have gone better. Madeline got to be around a newborn, and I got to observe a Mom of Two in real life. She was SO zen and SO calm that it gave me hope that I might, just might, be able to handle it.



Jill and her kiddies left and I decided to stay a while since I didn't think we'd be back at the Zoo anytime soon and Madeline was having such a fun time. We talked about all of the animals at the zoo and she decided she wanted to see the Giraffes. So - off on the mile long trek to see the Giraffes! We got over there and got to see them eating their lunch and Madeline just got the biggest kick out of it. I wanted to snap a picture but *i didn't have my camera!* so I got out my phone and decided it was better than nothing. As I put my thumb on the button to get her picture a ten year old boy decided to run by me, limbs flailing.



It was like slow motion. POW! He knocked into my arm and my cell phone went flying. It literally flipped through the air *cut to me saying Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!* and thudded onto the ground into the Giraffe exhibit. The boy decided this did NOT, in fact, warrant an apology.



Madeline obviously had no idea what had just happened. The sun was at its peak and there were no clouds to cut us some slack. I made her sit in the stroller (I learned the hard way earlier in the day that trying to let her walk and push the stroller was too much for me and one of us was going to end up on the ground) as I wheeled around to try to find a zoo worker. Not having any luck, I exited "Plains" and went to a train ticket booth. "Some kid bumped into me and I dropped my cell phone into the giraffe exhibit." The 16 year old blinked at me like "Uh yeah ...and?"



"Could you please call someone to see if they can get it out?"



So there we stood positively baking in the sun - while she radioed for some help. Madelinedecided, thank heaven, to be an angel during this experience - she just sat on the back of the stroller and gabbed away. Finally she told me that someone was going to come talk to me. I thanked her and showed her where we would be sitting. So we sat



and sat



and sat



It was so hot - I was making Madeline guzzle water and stealing a few sips myself. I spied a Dippin' Dots kiosk only a few feet away so that I could be seen by the alleged zoo worker coming to my technological aid. Madeline and I walked over and I decided that we could afford to put a second mortgage on the house so we could have some ice cream. (seriously! 4 dollars for a teeny bowl of ice cream????) We scarfed it down and then we got some cloud cover so it was a bit less miserable.



and sat



and sat



Folks - I am 9 months pregnant. I don't like it when my husband is in the loo and I need it and I have plenty of other bathrooms in my house. Right now, waiting is not my forte! But I didn't want to be a jerk. Finally, after 45 minute I went back to the ticket booth.



"I'm not trying to be a pain, but do you know how much longer this is going to take? If it was anything else I'd leave it behind - but I'm supposed to give BIRTH in 3 weeks and would like to have my phone on me at all times."



She was surprised no one had come and called back to the desk. She assured me someone was on their way!



and sat



and sat



Twenty minutes later I approached again. I asked if there was anything else I could do to expedite the process. She said no.



I decided I need to talk to someone who A) wasn't 15 and 2) wasn't more concerned with filing her nails than a lady about to give birth at the zoo. So -



I walked ALL the way back out to the main gate. (Seriously, does anyone know how long that trek is? It's gotta be at least half a mile?) I talked to the lady taking tickets at the gate and explained my plight. She told me that anything that's dropped into an exhibit isn't retrieved until the evening after the animals go "in" for the night. I was about to sit down on the pavement and cry when she said I could talk to member services to see if there was anything I could do.

So Madeline and I walked around the corner and stood for 15 minutes in line while the TWO people in front of us took their sweet time deciding on memberships. When we finally got to the booth I was about to open my mouth and my daughter squeaks out "I have to go potty!!!!" So I rush through the story while telling her that I just needed a minute and we'd find her a potty. Luckily a manager overheard my tale and said that there had been zookeepers waiting for me at the giraffe exhibit for the last hour. I told her that no one told me to go back to the giraffes - that I was to stay at the train ticket stand. She told me that she'd take me back to the exhibit so I could show her where my phone was. I told her that would be great, after I found my child a bathroom.

So BACK into the zoo we went. We waited in line yet again to use the loo which Madeline had managed to hold it until I found. The BACK out to the main gate to meet Ms. Green. She was there with a security officer who was also going to walk back with us to the exhibit. I told her that I was 9 months pregnant, and that if I had to walk back there one more time I was positively going to have this baby in the middle of the zoo. I was contracting, sweating, and my legs felt like I had just run a Marathon. She said she totally understood and disappeared back into the office. When she came out a few minutes later she took our stroller and a Security mini-van showed up to escort us via the super secret back roads to the Giraffe area. I told Madeline that we were getting to ride in a "special car." She heartily accepted that and we sloooooooowly made our way around the back of the Zoo, past the hospital and the modular offices, to come up to the "Plains." I waddled out of the car and carried Madeline most of the way as her patience was understandably wearing thin. So - carrying both babies was somewhere around 75 extra pounds on my body. My feet were spilling out of my flip flops and I sounded like an emphysema patient. We found the zookeepers and I was able to show them where my phone pieces were. That process took exactly 4.82 seconds.

Sigh

So back into the Special Security Van (with lights flashing I might add) we went, and were driven back to the front of the Zoo. Ms. Green retrieved our stroller and accompanied us back into the Butterfly Exhibit. Our adventure was over...but not really.

Once again finagling with the stroller and my walking toddler, she fell down the two concrete stairs and skinned her knees up royally. The already scratched and bruised up legs took yet another beating. I swooped her up to try to assuage her crying and we went to the back of the building where she and another young man cleaned and patched up Madeline's knees- complete with Hello Kitty Band Aids. As we left the gardens area, Madeline spied the stuffed butterflies she had been eyeing that morning. "Butterfly!" she cried out "Butterfly so pretty!" Ms. Green kneeled down and asked her if she'd like to have a butterfly. She said "BUTTERFLY!" and got a smile on her face. So she walked over, plucked a butterfly out of the bin and handed it to Madeline. I am not generally one to buy my child something every where we go, but had Ms. Green not given her one I probably would have bought it for her anyway. She SO deserved it after pretty much being an angel through a long, ridiculous process. She held it all the way home as she slept.

When I asked her that night to tell Daddy all about the zoo she said, "I ride in a special car!"

She didn't even mention the giraffes.