I have a secret indulgence, and that is - SuperNanny. I LOVE this show. It's not my husband's favourite, but I can usually talk him into watching it with me. I am just constantly appalled at how horribly these children act. Lately, every family she has visited seems to have a baker's dozen! I don't feel like anyone (including the government) should "regulate" how many children a given family has, but yet . . . is there a point where "enough is enough" ? I know this sounds cold, and I don't mean for it to. I just.....I wonder how families do it! Ok, John and Kate is one thing - they had half a dozen at once and obviously didn't plan for it. But I've known many a family to have 5,6,7,8 children, and usually they're very close together. First of all, the expense has to be enormous. The bills alone for the delivery and pediatrician visits! Between ear infections and reflux we've paid a king's ransom for Madeline's medicine alone! Clothes, food, laundry . . . never mind trying to pay for school or college. I am amazed and really curious at how families can do it in this day and age.
I watched a documentary once where one family had 16 or 17 kids... they seemed SO happy and SO well adjusted. They were insanely organized and they were debt free! I was in awe!! However, even that being said, what about personal time with their parents? How can you possibly give your children the attention and affection they need when you have so many?
Come back to me on this. Many people say there is a "socially acceptable" number of children. Do you believe that? What is that number? Does/did the dictate how many children you want or have? Do you think there is such a thing as "too many" ? How many is too many if you think there is such a number? Am I way off base?
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Interesting post! In terms of "socially acceptable," I think most families that exceed 5 are in the minority and tend to be "looked at" a little differently in our society. I am making no commentary on whether this is right or wrong, just an observation. I agree that I have no clue how they do it, especially if they expect the kids to go to college. I mean, I guess you could save up enough to give $5,000 to each of 6 children, but even then, what is that really going to pay for in future tuition terms? Many families who have large numbers of kids will get a lot of financial aid when it comes to private schools or college, but is this right? I don't know. I don't necessarily think it is fair that just because someone has 5 siblings that they should get a break for it. On the flip side, it isn't the kids' fault the parents had so many kids, so how can we punish them for that?
I have seen the Duggar family you were referring to on TLC...the ones with like 17 kids or something. They are an incredible family and wonderful children. However, I truly do not feel like the kids could ever get any one-on-one time with the parents after the age of 1. Your siblings are essentially raising you under the umbrella of parental discipline and support. The Duggars are very loving parents, but c'mon--17? That seems a little excessive to me, but they are somehow making it work.
The average family supposedly has 2.5 children these days. Let me know when you birth half a child and I'll let you know what the tax break on child #2.5 is.
It's interesting that you post about this because it's something that's actually been on my mind for quite a while. I told you that I've been "getting to know" quite a few moms online via their blogs. Many of them are moms of large families or come from large families themselves and plan on following after their parents in that regard. One of the moms who has really challenged me in this area wrote something on her blog that got me thinking. She titled it "Lord of All or Not at All." The gist of it was that if the Lord is really THE LORD of our lives, that should be in all areas, including the size of our families. On the one hand, I believe there's merit in being "responsible" when deciding how many children to bring into the world and considering the financial ramifications. On the other hand, there's also something to be said for trusting God to provide and give the number of children that He will give the strength to handle. Truthfully, I haven't really decided where I fall on this issue. (I'm still taking the Pill.) I come from a family of 2; Dave comes from a family of 4. I once saw myself as a mother of 2, possibly 3 but no more. Now that I've had Isabelle, I see myself as a mother of 3, possibly 4, but that will probably be it for me on account of having them via c-sections.
I do agree that society places an acceptable family size out there, as I have read on the blogs of those moms with big families. They are well accustomed to stares and questions along the lines of "are they all yours" and "are you done yet??" I think that's sad. If a family is following God's lead to continue having children, who are we to say when they should stop. Ultimately, I believe that family size is an issue between the two people creating them and God.
I think the Duggars are amazing and often wonder what their life is like and if the kids really love their big family. (They always seem to for the camera!)
I love Supernanny too. I come from a family of 4 kids and DO NOT want that many and don't know how my parents did it, they had more money then Paul and I! I loved growing up with all of the activity and love for four kids, it was fun and still is. I think more then 4 is getting a little big, but people do it. I for one think 2 is our limit, both financially and for me emotionally!! Good post
I am doing some research on the Melillo family. My son is Angelo Melillo. Can you help.
I love SuperNanny too - she has some brilliant ideas. And those kids do seem to be getting worse & worse with their behavior. I'm glad she seems to be able to help so many families.
As far as family size goes, I personally think it has to be one of those issues that you keep asking God for wisdom on. My parents had 2, my husband comes from a family of 6 kids.
Some people say "I'm trusting God for my family size" and then leave all forms of birth control out of the picture. Other people go to the opposite extreme and plan their kids based solely on what they want, without asking God to lead them at all. I heard of one woman who had herself sterilized in her 20's to reduce her carbon footprint. I thought that was a bit extreme.
We personally are at the point where we are in a constant state of seeking God to lead us in this area. We don't ever want to get to a point where we are seeking our own wishes (either for no more kids or for lots more kids) more than we are seeking what God has for us. I agree with Risha - it's between the 2 people creating the kids and God.
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